Jan 6, 2008 7:03 amShibuya Station Starbucks
Couldn't sleep last night, well really this morning. Went to bed at midnight and woke up at 4:30 am. I tossed and turned thinking of all the things in my life that don't make sense to me right now. I thought about what makes me angry and what hurts me here. I wanted to watch a movie to just numb my mind, but I knew even that wouldn't help. Nothing was helping. I felt so frustrated. What do I need? What do I want?
I almost understood why all of these young people go out and get drunk, just to numb the pain... I guess that is their motive. They have nothing though. And I.. have everything in you Lord. I am loved by you better than anyone will ever even try to love me.
So at 6:30 am I made an exectutive decision to go to starbucks. So I froze my bum off on the way and was the first customer, got my chi latte, and here I am overlooking an empty Shibuya.
I'm listening to Derek Mctavish on my i pod, reading "Searching for God knows what", and trying to hear what it is that you woke me up so early to tell me.
Not many people out now. its weird to see the empty streets, and donkihote closed. The Japanese don't like to wake up early, one of the few ways I actually fit in around this place. I feel bad, or maybe guilty or even pathetic about feeling the way I feel. ups and downs again like when I first came here. what do I have to complain about? Nothing! But I am- complaining. I'm tired, misunderstood, frustrated, confused and most of those feelings are toward this unknown feeling. But it feels better to let my thoughts race here in starbucks than on my pillow.
So you are showing me that this is how the Japanese feel, yet they don't have you. They live HARD lives. I am undergoing spiritual warfare, in a valley for a people that dont know me and didnt ask me to come here. See me through this valley Lord. Let me not draw away from you or my friends here, they need you. I do, Love you.
I've fallen down.
Failed again.
To you I bow, but i'm so "wow"ed
despite my trials I might make you, somehow...
make you smile.
The Derek McTavish Band.
My Latest Pictures..
3 comments:
Hey Audrey! I like your writing, I feel the same way you do at times here. I appreciate what you are doing there. We aren't are own, we were bought with a price and have to trust that in the end we will receive are well done!! God knows what He is doing, in having us in these far away places. Keep on Audrey!! We should talk soon!
Our prayers are with you that you will feel those loving, eternal arms in a way you never imagined. Thanks so much for sharing your joys and heartaches, ups and downs. It helps to be able to know how to pray for you and it is great to feel your heart for the people around you. Sometimes even here at home it gets overwhelming to see the flurry of activity that has no real eternal meaning. May you find strength and encouragement from the One who is the source of all hope. In Christ's love to you -
-Faye
Audrey, just felt like I should write you a not to tell you how much this note has meant for me. I've been really struggling especially over the last week. I wont go into all the details, but I want you to know that this letter has really encouraged me. So much that you probably wont realize until we're in heaven. Thank you for your heart, for your love for and desire to serve God and the Japanese people, and also for your willingness to share your heart with your friends back home and around the world. You are in my prayers always. God bless you and watch over you as you serve Him.
Love in Christ,
Brian Charland
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